Make Your Own Disaster
by The Legendary Miko
Summary: "I think it's time we went on vacation." He says, stamping his foot to emphasize his point. "Starting now. Today, we're doing something fun." Of course, Thor has no choice but to agree - that is if he wanted any lovin' that night. What he didn't see coming, when he planned their date, was Batman and Joker somehow becoming a part of their evening.
1. Part I

A/N: With constant pressures from many different sources, I felt it was time to write absolute crack again - where there doesn't need to be any real plot and I can kick back and make myself giggle now and then. (Don't worry, I'm not quitting any of my current stuff.) Hence, this (around 4 to 5 part) creation.

Also, I was challenged by a friend, who told me that I simply could not cross-over Avengers and Batman.

I, of course, spat out - quite viciously, spit and all - that I could and promptly whipped out my tablet in front of her and got down to work. I'll show you all. I can, I CAN.

Warning: No plot what so ever, so don't expect any. Seriously. Don't.

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He's slurping up his strawberry milkshake, eyeing his boyfriend furiously make his way through piles of hundreds of types of toppings, choosing ones here and there and arranging them in the neatest order before time ran out. He's not quite sure why his boyfriend is so set on winning the make-your-own-pizza contest (suspects it's to show him he's dating the next great culinary master - purely to impress) but it provides the greatest form of entertainment, watching the man glare at his competitors and for once not having a giant-ass hammer in his hands.

"You can do it baby!" He calls out, clapping his hands. He then snickers when all he gets in response is "Asgard be damned! Where the fuck are the anchovies?!"

Someone was obviously not enjoying this as much as he was.

He takes another gulp of strawberry and is about to yell out another piece of encouragement (his better half's suddenly increasing black aura delighting and worrying him), when a body plops itself down in the seat across from him.

"Hey, I think you have the wrong booth."

"Nope." The other man grins. "I think I have the right one."

He studies the man, becoming suspicious at the evident mischief sparkling in green eyes, and narrows his eyes. What could he possibly want? "Look, we're on vacation, so if you need my boyfriend for any reason, he's not available."

The man laughs and tugs at one of his blonde curls, twirling it this way and that, before letting go and allowing the curl to fall in front of his grass eyes. "I don't need your boyfriend, I got my own."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Then what could you possibly mean?" Tilted head giving him an innocent yet devious stare.

He pauses, absorbing the look, then shakes his head. "Uh... nevermind."

"So what's your name?"

"First tell me who you are."

"Oh oh oh I'm so sorry, I'm forgetting my manners again, aren't I? No, the knives are for eating, not for stabbing people's eyes, don't giggle creepily when shaking the mayor's hand, stop smiling when babies cry, there are just so many rules to remember, how's a guy to get everything right?" Blonde curls sway as a mournful look grows on the man's face. "It's simply no fun at all!"

Insane, he thinks. This guy's insane and he definitely wants no part of it. "I'm just going to go.."

A hand grabs his wrist. "Wait, wait, wait. I just got carried away again." The hand urges him to sit back down again. "I'm Jack." Jerks his chin expectantly at him, "And you are..."

"Loki. My name's Loki."

Jack releases Loki's wrist and claps his hands together. "Friends, already!"

Loki simply groans then glances back at his lover. He's found the anchovies and is now roaring over the pineapple. Wait, Pineapple? Just who the hell did Thor think was going to eat that?

"Your boyfriend in the pizza competition?"

"Yeah," Loki points to the right, "the one with the long hair."

His companion whistles dirtily - something Loki was sure couldn't be easy to master, unless lots of practice was involved. "Nice. The ponytail is a great touch."

"Right!" He nods eagerly, momentarily distracted now that he had found someone to gush with over his love's hair. Honestly, with hair like that, the possibilities were endless. "I had to give him a blowjob to convince him to let me tie it up."

"I had to do the same for mine, but that was just to get him here. All he does is work, work, work. He's behind a desk or out in the streets, but he's always working, day and night." The blonde pouts. "It's like we're not even dating sometimes!"

"So your boyfriend's here then?" He cuts off, feeling that if he doesn't Jack will most certainly talk his ears off, which considering he was a god would be pretty impressive. "In the competition?"

"Yup," this time its Jack who points, but to the left, "pretty boy there, the one covered in dough."

Loki stifles a laugh as he observes a tall man wrestle with a lumpy somewhat oval shaped thing. His obviously overly expensive business suit is covered in strange white powder and there seems to be pepperoni slices tangled in his hair. Or at least, Loki hoped they were pepperoni. "Not to be cruel or anything, but... I'm pretty sure he's not winning anything."

"I was hoping for Best Try, ya know?"

They both turn to gaze at Jack's boyfriend again, who seems as lost as a little puppy dumped in a pile of snow. He's managed to somewhat shape the dough into a reasonably looking pizza shaped circle and is elbows deep in tomato sauce, spreading it as if it were vat of blood - halfway enjoying it and halfway repulsed by all the splatters landing on his cuffs.

"You go, Brucie!" Jack cheers. "They won't know what hit them!" Out of the side of his mouth, he whispers to Loki, "No, seriously, I'm not even sure what things he's dumped in there. Those judges are in for a surprise."

The Armani clad man frowns and stops his tomato bloodbath long enough to raise a hand and give Jack the finger. He then quickly returns to his pizza, grabbing a random bowl next to him and throwing bits of its contents onto his sauced dough surface. There's only ten minutes left to put the pizzas into the oven - some of the other competitors already standing off to the side already having done so and the rest nearly finished with the toppings - but having just started the last part of the process doesn't seem to have fazed him as he grabs bowl after bowl and sprinkles olives, beef, and mushrooms everywhere. The idea that some toppings might not go well with others or that the presentation is half of the overall score isn't being factored in by his one tracked mind.

"What... is he doing?" Loki asks Jack, noting the dreamy look on the man's face. It's as if he was proud of his boyfriend's lack of skill in the kitchen. "There's no way he's actually being serious about the competition."

"Oh he is," Jack sighs happily, "that's what makes this so much fun. I've been so bored, lately."

"Bored?" He questions, immediately regretting it when he sees the slender man's body go stiff and a evil smile paints itself across the guy's face, right under gently freckle-sprinkled nose and cheeks. For having such a innocent cute face, there sure was a lot of evident malice lurking behind its depths.

"Very." Green eyes suddenly serious. "So much so, that it could get real dangerous any second."

Loki blinks. Once. Twice. Three times. "What?"

Jack grins, feral and kitten-like at the same time, white teeth gleaming like a shark and purrs, "Tell me Loki, how's your sense of humor?"


	2. Part II

"Over here honey!" And Loki has to duck to avoid being clobbered in the face by a swinging arm. "Here!"

He's not quite sure why he's still sitting here, other than still being confused by the perplexity of the man in front of him (seriously, what kind of question was that?), and he's beginning to wonder if now would be the right time to make his escape.

Or at least _attempt_ to make an escape, seeing as 'Jack' had now, after encouraging his boyfriend to come join them, turned his gaze back to Loki's and was giving him an almost sinister look - oddly giving Loki the feeling that he knew exactly what he was thinking. Frankly uncomfortable in full.

This is totally not what he'd had in mind when he had asked Thor to take him out for once - alone.

"You fine there, kiddo?"

He frowns and gives the smaller man another once over. "I do believe I'm older than you."

"Who really knows? Those crow feet could be a sign of lack of sleep _or_ age."

That was an insult, right? He was pretty sure that was an insult.

Now he was starting to regret the drinks he and Thor had right before coming here. Sure, it served to mellow both of them out -Thor having been a bit too tense at being forced to take a vacation ("What if something happens while we're out?!") - but right now, when by all rights he should be very angry and should be raising hell, he felt nothing more than a twinge of annoyance. And even if he had felt anything more passionate, he seriously doubts his very relaxed state would allow him to do anything more than swing a fist.

A serious downgrade from his usual state.

And that's a pretty sobering thought. He needs some serious pick-me-up right now.

He glances at the cup in front of him and sees that he hardly has any milkshake left. _Damn._ He should fix that; not that he has an obsessive sweet tooth like Thor claims he does (He can stop whenever he wants. No, really. He can), but the situation does call for sugary sweetness and so he flags down some teen in a beanie and hands him a twenty. "Grab me a large strawberry milkshake, please. You can keep the rest."

With motivation like that (the cost of the dairy drink being the most at 6 dollars), the teen scurries off to grab the drink.

"Hello," he turns back to suddenly find a faded red stained hand outstretched towards him, accompanied with a bright white smile, "my name's Bruce."

_Ah. Jack's boyfriend_. He returns the handshake with some wariness. After all, if he was dating _that _then surely the man wasn't completely right in his head. A few marbles short of a full bag, Thor would say. "Loki."

Bruce dips his head lightly in response, mega watt grin locked in place, and motions for Jack to move over so he can sit by him. Strangely in a perky mood, Jack slides down the booth, almost bouncing his way over. He's got the window seat now and Loki can't seem to decide on whether it's a good thing or a bad thing, especially when Jack decides to press his face against the window and start making faces at the people walking by. He hopes that no one calls the cops or something. That would be pretty bad and Thor would never let him hear the end of it if he got mixed up in that.

Still grinning, though the brightness of the smile has dimmed a bit, Bruce glances at Jack then at Loki and then back to Jack again. It's pretty obvious that he's wondering who he was and why his boyfriend was talking to him (though if there's anything like jealousy running in his mind then he's pretty sure the man _is _crazy and not just probably).

But, now occupied by breathing on the window and drawing figures on the foggy glass (The images seem violent though it's hard to tell for sure...), Jack misses Bruce's questioning look and Loki figures to fill in the blanks for the poor guy. "We met just a little while ago. He decided to join me in watching the competition."

"Ah, I see." The brunette sheepishly scratches his head and jerks his chin at Jack. "Did he force his company on you? I hope he didn't bother you...he tends to do this kind of thing a lot."

So he did know that his boyfriend was insane. He had been wondering that. "He's…" He pauses for a second, trying to find a word that fits; but unfortunately is unable to find anything that wasn't an insult, so he finishes lamely, "...interesting."

Bruce nods in complete understanding. "Yes," he says, not bothered at all that Loki's giving him an incredulous look, "I find it endearing."

Well, okay then.

"Uh, excuse me?" A hand taps his shoulder. "Here's your drink."

He takes the milkshake and waves the boy off, extremely grateful for the chance to think over his next response. If his mouth is full, it's not his fault he can't say anything, right? However that might not have mattered at all seeing as Bruce is now tugging on Jack's arm trying to get him to stop creeping out the passerbys. "Jack! I want to be able come back here again! Please!"

"Who says we can't?!"

He's aggressively slurping his drink, trying to ignore the two grown men locked in a tug-of-war like battle (humans really are _special_), when he feels a large hand ruffle his hair, purposefully pushing hair into his eyes and blinding him momentarily. "Hey!" He yelps, startled out of his thoughts. "What the hell?"

"If you're allowed to play with my hair, then I'm allowed to have my way with yours."

He scowls. "That's different and you know it."

"How so?"

By this point, Bruce and Jack have quieted down and have adapted wide eyed stares as they watch the interaction in front of them. They can't help it. The size of the newcomer demands attention.

Recognition flashes in Bruce's blue eyes. This is the crazy who'd hogged all the anchovies. He'd perhaps been the _only _man there who'd been convinced of winning the competition as he seemed to be the most passionate of the pizza makers. Hell, even the guy who actually made pizzas for a living (his gal had thought it'd be fun to join) hadn't been that focused when he'd molded his own dough.

Thankfully his working station hadn't been anywhere near this long-haired man's. He could just imagine how that would've turned out. Heart-breaking.

For the other guy that is.

One look at Bruce's masterpiece and the poor guy would have been so disheartened he wouldn't have finished his pizza. He would've quit right then and there.

Meanwhile, only momentarily befuddled by the strange faraway look in his lover's eyes, Jack's own gaze seems to have adapted a mischief glaze that really can only mean one thing - things does not bode well for the other couple. Not with all his thoughts currently doing the cha cha slide in his head.

He's never liked _not _being the center of attention anyways.

"So," he interrupts loudly, "introduce us, Lokes!" He slams a palm onto the table with a loud smack! and raises the other in the air, forming a finger-gun with his thumb and pointer finger, and mimics firing off a round. Headshot. Ten points! "_Huge_ and Handsome here does have a name, _right_?" He turns to the man in question and raises an eyebrow in perfect taunt, "You _do _have a name, don't you?"

"Yes I do," says Thor, a bit none too pleased by how he was asked. "And you are?"

Jack beams, And Loki is showered with a sinking feel of déjà vu, "At ta ta ta," pointed finger wagging back and forth, "I asked _you _first."

Furrowed brow, Thor's about to respond when, Bruce having finally snapped out of his Pizza King fantasy, snaps his attention to classic cliché scene happening outside the diner, complete with four-leeiring-men-one-unwilling-woman participants (perhaps his expression seeming a bit too excited and gleeful, Jack notes) and signs of struggle.

There's calls for help and the five are seen disappearing around a corner, most likely into one of the alleys Jack had noted on their way here.

The response is immediate.

"WE HAVE TO HELP HER!"

There's a moment of silence in which all four men stare at each other. _We just said the same thing, _Bruce thinks. Thor's eyes are glowing, happy gloss veiling them. _A fellow compatriot. Good citizen right here._

And for once, Loki agrees with the astonishingly sane expression on Jack's face. He's wearing it as well. _Annoyance._

"No," he says and Thor's mouth pops open. "Don't even think about it," he adds, effectively clamping it shut.

Jack nods in agreement, firm and menacing. "Not today, Brucie. _Not today._"

Yet another thing they have in common, both heroes - Dark Knight and Norse God - turn to each other with leaden sighs. All sullen and pouting. This was so _not fair._


End file.
